Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Tha Newbz

The alarm was blaring.  It seemed to sound in perfect time with the throbbing headache felt by Jr. Lieutenant Kolchek.  Maybe it was the cause of his headache.  He opened his eyes and slowly looked around.  That's when the memory of the previous night came back into focus.  Today was his first day as an acting Jr. Lieutenant, he had previously been on leave for a week.  It had been his last night of freedom.  One last night with the boys.  Roon may have been a backwater planet with nothing of note for a young naval officer, but man did the cantina have some good drinks.

Jr. Lieutenant Kolchek made his way back to check in and met with his more or less sober crew.  Other than a headache that wouldn't quit and a bit of queasiness it seemed like it would be a good day.  That's when the call came in.  Security had been breached in the Omega Sector.  Reports confirmed three unidentified ships heading further into the restricted zone.  The 37th TIE Squadron, also known as Tha Newbz, had been dispatched.

"Alright gentleman, we have a protocol one procedure ahead.  Three unidentified ships have probably mistakenly passed by the Omega Checkpoint.  Hold all fire until my go and stay safe," Jr. Lieutenant Kolchek reported as he calmly piloted his new TIE Advanced.

"Affirmative," was the retort heard from the other two lance captains.

As the 37th approached the three unknowns the sensors indicated two X-Wings, and a YT-1300 were the three ships that had slipped past the checkpoint.  Nothing to worry about, just a freighter with it's escorts.

"Greetings traders, this is your friendly Imperial neighbors.  We noticed you headed in this direction and have come to ask you to turn around and proceed to the Omega Checkpoint.  You are in a restricted zone," Kolchek informed politely.

A loud and guttural sound reported back over the comm, "AagaAAggaaaghAAAgAAhhagh."

"Did anyone catch what that Wookie just said?"

Charlie Lance Captain Jenkins replied, "Uh... I know a bit of Shyriiwook.  I believe he said something about Khan Sulu and Duke Skybalker had a... uh... delivery for your mom."

"What?  Who the hell are those guys?"

"Never heard of them, sir."

"I repeat, this is a restricted area.  Please turn around now and proceed to the checkpoint."

"They just fired at us sir."

"All right boys, execute the alpha tango maneuver and stay focused."

The three lances of TIEs broke into formation with the Alpha Lance taking the lead on the port side.  Charlie Lance moved ahead on starboard and Bravo Lance, headed by the Jr. Lieutenant, moved along slowly assessing the situation.

Alpha Lance was the first to return fire with mixed results.  The fresh recruits had never actually fired at real live targets before.  Though they did remember to focus fire.  When Charlie Lance moved into position and fired they fortunately hit their target and damaged the X-Wing they were focused on.

Now the X-Wing Charlie Lance had fired on was leaking something out of it's starboard side and headed towards Bravo Lance.  Charlie Lance was told to refocus on the YT-1300 and dutifully obeyed.  Surely a bit of fire and these wayward traders would comply with the commands.  Surely they didn't want to get their ships damaged or worse get themselves killed.

Jr. Lieutenant Kolchek once again tried the comms, "Last warning, disengage from the combat and we will escort you to the checkpoint.  This is restricted air space."

Static proceeded the reply, "Yeeehaww! Die imperial scum!"  Two shots blasted into the side of the TIE Advanced knocking out the shields.  Kolchek gritted his teeth and prepared himself for battle.

The Alpha Lance pursued the X-Wing piloted by Skybalker and held their shots true.  Though the pilot seemed above average, his ship just couldn't quite take the onslaught and had to set down on the surface of the planet.  This apparently outraged whoever was piloting the YT-1300 and it broke into a fantastic display of piloting.

The remaining X-Wing had fired at the Alpha Lance knocking one of the TIE fighters out of commission.  Although it was now being pursued by the Alpha Lance.  The two TIE's left in Alpha fired like crazy and somehow managed not to hit anything.

The YT-1300 flew through the atmosphere of Roon as fast as it could straight towards Bravo Lance firing wildly and dodging many shots that seemed impossible.  It then flew past the Bravo Lance and flipped around completely ready to fire again.  By this time the Charlie Lance and Bravo Lance all had time to maneuver with clear lines of fire towards the larger ship.

The pilot of the YT-1300 fired and hit Kolchek's TIE Advanced once again and caused internal alarms to start singing.  Bravo Lance and Alpha Lance returned fire and watched as the larger ship spiraled out of control towards the ground as it made a hard landing.  The remaining X-Wing assessed the situation and proceeded to make a GTFO maneuver.

With the battle over the young pilots and their leader made note of the locations of the two downed ships and called in their coordinates.  Hopefully they would be captured by the ground forces before they could bug out.

All Jr. Lieutenant Kolchek could think about on the trip back to base was how he was probably going to get in trouble for losing a pilot.  But when he got back to base his Captain was pleased with his report and didn't seem concerned at all about the missing pilot.  A new TIE was given to the unit along with another new recruit.  Reports were coming in that more resistance was being met in all the quadrants, it looked as though Kolchek and his Newbz were going to see a lot more action.

Thursday, October 06, 2016

Don't Forget My Head - A Tale of Science Friction

A few weeks ago we had a couple of sessions with Venger Satanis at the helm of his RPG game, Alpha Blue, and we were joined this time by the enigmatic "8".  This is WAAAY late due to the technical aspects of typing while wrestling all the bears and chumpkins who infest the office here these days - but we're trying to make up for lost time so prepare for a slew of new content here on the Wargate.

What follows is a session log from Roll20 of our last game with Venger, and may be disturbing for some readers.  Others will laugh at the satire and parody of the entire venture.  You can read about the first session here.


Note that we at the Wargate do not condone nor advocate the use or solicitation of sex or drugs (but rock 'n roll is required).  In the end, we felt the resultant comedy was worth publishing - and are plotting a short campaign of our own.  Now, go check out Venger on Google+ if you're not familiar with his work, and Draconic Magazine here.

VS (GM Venger):  8bit, in between adventures:  You had a minor speaking part in a buddy cop movie with aliens representing minorities.  Your role was "douche-bag with laser."

Dave, in between adventures:  You were scavenging the last dregs of energy from a dying, metallic planet called Cybertron.

Space Wyndorf (Stormskull Dave):  Hell yeah!  I needed that.

Akros Sterling (8bit):  How many credits was I paid for my role?

VS (GM):  400 credits. It was a non-speaking role.

Akros Sterling:  XD  rich

VS (GM):  Dave, your character only made 100 credits.

Space Wyndorf:  See, nobody is into this Energon stuff yet...but its' gonna be a big hit in the future

VS (GM):  Yeah, around 1983.  Both of you briefly re-introduce your characters.

Space Wyndorf:  I'm Space Wyndorf, Ice Pirate and Wanted Fugitive...and this is my associate, Piney the Energon Being.

VS (GM):  Sup, Hawk! (greeting Stormskull Hawk, who is late.)  Piney, roll a d20 for me.

Akros Sterling:  Akros Sterling. The bounty hunting Dire Space Wolf-aroo!

VS (GM):  Piney, between adventures you were cruising the outer rim worlds looking for bi-sexual nymphomaniac models...Wow, you actually found some!  Good for you.  Indeed.

Space Wyndorf:  One that didn't look like your ex-wife?

Piney (Stormskull Hawk):  Indeed, one that doesn't look like my ex-wife.

VS (GM):  Ok, you guys are in your starship with a couple droids and 2 reptilian humanoids  (Silurians).

Space Wyndorf:  These guys from the last jaunt?  Whatever happened to our cargo?

Akros Sterling:  "Hmm this does not look like the movie set.  Perhaps I docked the wrong ship? Hmm"  *Rubs his chin and looks perplexed and pondering.*

VS (GM):  Yeah, you guys sold your cargo, made a bunch of credits, and joined forces with another crew.  Then half of your crew got killed.  This is what's left...

Space Wyndorf:  I just notice Sterling for the first time, as I look and try to focus through the space smoke that constantly follows me

VS (GM):  You made 1,100 credits from the ice you sold to a nearby desert planet.

Piney:  Each or total?

VS (GM):  Total.

Space Wyndorf:  hmm a desert planet. they have good [REDACTED] there?  Some people call me the [REDACTED] cowboy.

VS (GM):  The best in the galaxy.  Did you want to inhale some?

Space Wyndorf:  Well, yeah, as much as possible - but we need at least 600 creds leftover lol

Sterling: "Ice Pirate and a [REDACTED] Cowboy?  These titles are killing me.  As long as the [REDACTED] flows, we should be fine.  There are many credits to make off of [REDACTED]?"

Piney:  Space has always been sort of an Ice Pirate, honestly

VS (GM):  Space Lord, you feel incredibly fortunate... invulnerable, actually.

Space Wyndorf:  I mean that's what i call myself but here lately it's been a lot of regular piracy.  This is the time for Space Lord to DANCE!!

VS (GM):  Are you going to your starship's dance floor?

Akros Sterling:  "A pirate?  Oh is there a bounty on your head, space-man?"

Space Wyndorf:  "Probably, but it's also 4:00 somewhere."  We have a dance floor?  Hell yes!!

Akros Sterling:  (the world is a dance floor)

Space Wyndorf:  That's what I thought!

VS (GM):  The droids customized your ship while you were buying [REDACTED].

Space Wyndorf:  I thought i was on the dance floor lol but it's really the bridge.

VS (GM):  Maybe both?

Space Wyndorf:  YES.  The bridge is now a disco.  So when i go "onscreen" i can WOW people.

VS (GM):  Piney, a communication is coming through on the console.

Piney:  Disco disco bridge.  I want to be on a disco bridge.  I'll pause the music and blare up the transmission.

Space Wyndorf:  We greet them with a song.

Akros Sterling:  (nice space)

VS (GM):  Ok, you get a visual of Grabba the Butt.  He doesn't look too pleased.

Space Wyndorf:  I leanover to Piney and ask:  "Do we still owe him money or naaaaa...?"

Akros Sterling:  *Howls at the sight of Grabba*  "Arrooo!  I've seen that Grabba before!"

VS (GM):  "I need you scum to assassinate someone.  Do this for me and I'll forget about the starship you stole from me."

Space Wyndorf:  OH that was YOURS....sure. whos' dead?

Piney:  *Whispers to Space*  I don't think so. I think he's still mad you wouldn't let him grab your butt.

VS (GM):  His name is Renner.  He's a mercenary.  You can find him on Dexor Prime.

Space Wyndorf:  You want his funeral at your house or wherever we find him?

VS (GM):  "I don't want him taken alive.  Kill him on sight."

Space Wyndorf:  Should we make a trideo or something?  bring you some teeth?

Akros Sterling:  "-- well if this will keep Grabba from trying to kill us, then so be it."

VS (GM):  "A souvenir would be nice."  You see Grabba grab the butt of one of his many slaves.

Space Wyndorf:  Ok. I'll bring you his left butt cheek.

Piney:  Grabba doesn't kill his victims.  His ways are much more cruel.

Akros Sterling:  "He certainly has a way of grabbin butts.  That is all I can say about his ways"

VS (GM):  "One last thing... he occasionally travels with a known associate named Darth Facepalm.  Good luck, scumbags.  You'll need it."

Space Wyndorf:  "They told you we were crazy, didn't they?  Just one intentional murder for the ship? That's cheap.  I used to get paid 1 space rok per tooth.  Knives, pistols, rifles and bombs."

VS (GM):  What's the action?

Space Wyndorf:  Our new album, Beatsticks & Piano-Wire is out next month.

Akros Sterling:  (lol)

Space Wyndorf:  I guess we're going to promote it on Dexor Prime.

Sterling tries to navigate to Dexor Prime

VS (GM):  Is Sterling a pilot, too?

Sterling clicks buttons.  Wags tail.  Is not a pilot

Piney:  *Shoos Sterling away*  I got this sets course for Dexor Prime

Space Wyndorf:  i give Sterling a space guitar and we record a new song, Blowout to the Butts

VS (GM):  The ship's computer says, "Dexor Prime, here we come. ETA: one standard hour."

Space Wyndorf:  that's exactly enough time to write and record a song

VS (GM):  Grabba style!  Yeah, it is.

Sterling snarls at the guitar and strums it. 

Akros Sterling:  "I'm more of a singer... "  *howls*

VS (GM):  Or do something else...


VS (GM):  Might as well do both!

Piney:  "Just keep the Silurians away from the [REDACTED] or they'll be humping everything on Dexor Prime"

Space Wyndorf:  Grabba done called up,
about some butts!
Now we gotta run and
do up some stuff!
Oh it's tuff!
...but that's how we afford the space muff!

Sterling spends the hour howling in an off-pitch. Playing an instrument that he is not used to.


Akros Sterling:  ^

Akros Sterling:  Sterling agrees and gains +1 friendship points with the space bard, ice pirate

VS (GM):  Besides rocking out and getting stoned on [REDACTED], not much happens between now and when you enter Dexor Prime's orbit.

You lock coordinates with this Renner dude and the ship docks next to a domed city.

Space Wyndorf:  I need to find a sonic blaster shaped like a guitar.  What's the law look like?  Are they friskin' us at the docks?

VS (GM):  The ship's computer says, "Would you like me to find a retailer selling such a device?"

Space Wyndorf:  Yes, please.

VS (GM):  Pretty light security.  This is a leisure center on a fairly tame planet.  You don't see any Federation troopers, just planetary rent-a-cops.

Space Wyndorf:  Hmm. Vibro-knife for me..but creds for a sonic blaster, hopefully.

VS (GM):  "I found one.  It's located half-a-parsec away in a store called Funky Paraphernalia."

Space Wyndorf:  I lock that in the ships' coordinate bookmark bar.

Akros Sterling:  Sterling pats his kangaroo pouch and pulls out a thermal detonator. He swaps the TD for a blaster also hidden in his pouch and checks its ammo.

Space Wyndorf:  My kinda kangaroo.

VS (GM):  You've got plenty of ammo and TDs.

Space Wyndorf:  Let's get to the guy before we find out our Renner is our runner.

Akros Sterling:  "You two ever heard of Darth Facepalm though?  He may prove troublesome"

VS (GM):  Once you exit the arrival/departure section, you find yourselves in the middle of a large party.  There must be 500 people congregating here.  You hear music, see colorful lights and people doing drugs, drinking, and occasionally having sex on the outer edges.

*Piney grabs his blaster and ammo and gets ready to rumble.*

Space Wyndorf:  Hold up, yo...

Akros Sterling:   ^

Space Wyndorf:  ...do I smell a space spliff burning?

VS (GM):  You do. And pulverized pink crystals being smoked not 10' away.

Space Wyndorf:  Do we know EXACTLY where this guy is or do we need to find out?

VS (GM):  You know that he's within 100' of you.  Most likely somewhere in this large gathering.

Space Wyndorf:  I ask the pink crystal guy if that's Frenzon, bruh

Piney:  *Whispers to Space*  Try to fit in all incognito and shit, but stay away from those crystals.  We're going to need you to be on your toes.

Space Wyndorf:  If that's Frenzon I'm gonna get some doffs for the lizards. we might need a diversion...

VS (GM):  "Originally, yeah, then I refined it with urine from a sybaxian femroid. Now, it's the space bomb, yo!"

Space Wyndorf:  I think to myself and try to remember if silurians love sybaxian method?

VS (GM):  You're quite sure they do. In fact, S'sssszzsss was just talking about getting some.

Space Wyndorf:  Trade for [REDACTED]?

VS (GM):  "Sure, why not?"

Space Wyndorf:  I got this fresh rolled from the dungheaps of whatever planet we were on

VS (GM):  Squelch?

Space Wyndorf:  Sure.

Piney:  Only the best shit comes from where the hell ever.

Space Wyndorf:  Planet Nevermind.

VS (GM):  He gives you a small laser baggie full of crushed pink crystals swimming in a green solution.  He takes your [REDACTED].

Space Wyndorf:  I break it off for the lizzies, but tell them to wait. Frenzon is a class 1 combat drug and I don't want their hearts exploding or their eyes melting

VS (GM):  What's Akros doing?

Sterling uses his bounty hunting skills to ask around and gain intel about Renner. Like what he might be doing or wearing at this event so Sterling can track him down

Space Wyndorf:  Smacktards Anonymous.

VS (GM):  No one knows him well. After several minutes, Akros finds someone who just acquired a couple girls for someone named Renner. He and the girls went into Cubicle Z-7.

Sterling scopes out the way to Cubicle Z-7.

Akros Sterling:  Any chance we have communication devices? I'd give the others info that I might have an idea where Renner may be

VS (GM):  You do have such devices and send a message. You're not sure if they received it, though.

Akros Sterling:  ^

Piney:  Did we receive it?

Akros Sterling:  (depends if you care enough to check your social media / cellphones

Space Wyndorf:  If at least one of us is, we snap to pretty quick.  Piney is usually spot-on with that.  He's usually sober

VS (GM):  Meanwhile, Space Lord and Piney are being solicited by a couple of purple-skinned courtesans from New Uranus.

Akros Sterling:  (lol)

VS (GM):  You look down and see that there's a new message from Akros.

Space Wyndorf:  We ask if they want to accompany us to a private party.  Let's show up at the apartment with these girls.

VS (GM):  Yes, they do.  The girls follow you, keeping a close eye on your drugs.

Piney:  I'll respond to the message.  "Don't forget to find out information about his friend Darth Handjob"

Space Wyndorf:  I got a plan.  We walk up to the spot, pretending to be answering the call-girl call.  But when we get there I [REDACTED] with frenzon and kick them through the door.  Eh, plan?

VS (GM):  All of you wind up in front of Cubicle Z-7 at the same time.

Piney:  Sounds like a plan to me

Akros Sterling:  is in the hall and notices the purple women. "This was not in the plan... but I am not arguing."

VS (GM):   You [REDACTED] and kick them through the door.  A human with short dark hair and an eye-patch is having sex with some green-skinned girl with tentacles.  He's got her ankles behind her ears.

Space Wyndorf:  Does he fit the description?

VS (GM):  You think he fits the description.

Space Wyndorf:  Good enough for me.

Piney:  Where are her tentacles??  Nevermind.

Space Wyndorf:  I was thinking same thing.

VS (GM):  He welcomes the girls, but then sees you guys, rolls off the bed, and goes for his blaster.  Meanwhile, a tall dark figure comes out of the closet - obviously Darth Facepalm.

Her tentacles are all over the place.

Space Wyndorf:  I dive knife first at Facepalm's face.

Piney:  I pull my blaster and get ready to deliver frontier justice on Renner.

VS (GM):  Ok, everyone roll 2d6.

VS (GM):  Holy shit!

VS (GM):  Space Lord puts a large, bloody gouge in Darth Facepalm's face.  Piney, you shoot Renner for 14 points of damage.

Akros, what were your individual rolls?

Akros Sterling:  4+5

VS (GM):  Ok...

You do 6 points of damage to... who?

Akros Sterling:  Doing a blaster shoot at the dude fucking the lady, aiming for his arse

VS (GM):  You singe his ass hairs with your blaster.

Piney:  That'll teach him

Akros Sterling:  (IKR)

VS (GM):  Renner blasts both you Piney and Akros.

Piney takes 1 point of damage.

VS (GM):  Akros takes 4 points of damage.

Now for Space Lord!  Darth Facepalm whips out his laser sword and attempts to cleave you in twain.

Space Wyndorf:  I disco spin away...argh, MY ASS!!

VS (GM):  Space Lord only takes 9 points of damage.  You got relatively lucky.  New round!  Everyone roll 2d6 - remember, once per session you can steal the spotlight in order to double your dice pool -

Space Wyndorf:  I steal a spotlight!  I now perform a short dance that ends with my vibro knife in his guts.

Space Wyndorf:  Evidently my ass hurts

VS (GM):  Sterling, you missed.

VS (GM):  Renner looks hurt bad, but he's still shooting from behind the bed he was fucking on only a minute before.

The dark zedi looks wounded but still in decent shape.  Renner aims at Piney.

Piney:  Can I steal the show on a defense?

VS (GM):  Sure, roll 2d6.

VS (GM):  You narrowly avoid his laser fire.

Piney:  I want to dematerialize and rematerialize a shot ways avoid the attack

VS (GM):  Ok, you do that. Facepalm is going for SL.

Space Wyndorf:  Energy PUNK!  OOOF...

VS (GM):  OOF is right! SL takes 17 damage. He really felt that laser sword to the ribs.

VS (GM):  You have 4 Health left.

Space Wyndorf:  Word.

VS (GM):  30 Health.  Ok, you guys can attack again.

Space Wyndorf:  seeing a laser sword through my chest is the most metal thing ever
i cut his hand off

Piney:  While I was rematerializing did I notice the amount of fuckery he is enuring?

VS (GM):  Luckily, it cauterizes your wounds as it creates them.
Dio would be proud.

Space Wyndorf:  This IS the cover of my next album, posthumous or not...seriously, his hand.

Piney:  I am switching targets to Darth Facepalm.

Space Wyndorf:  kinda woozy

VS (GM):  You miss.

VS (GM):  You did 5 points of damage to Facepalm.  He's hurt pretty bad, but not out yet.  Akros?

Akros Sterling:  .-. I need to help!! I'd try to shove Darth Facepalm away from the team but also planting a 'sticky' TD to his chest as he staggers away.

VS (GM):  He kicks the TD away from him, but a small piece of shrapnel strikes his thigh. He goes down to one knee, struggling to rip you guys a new asshole.
Sterling: (lol

VS (GM):  SL, he's coming for you!  Not good.

Space Wyndorf:  Doom...it's not a party until someone explodes

Piney:  Bro. I think you just got rolled up and smoked

Space Wyndorf:  LOL

VS (GM):  His laser sword comes down on you hard. He's severed your arm and swung around and decapitated you.

Renner's turn.

Space Wyndorf:  My head exhales the biggest puff of space spliff smoke ever. but my shades don't fall off.

Akros Sterling:  (lol)

VS (GM):  Sterling, you take 9 points of damage. You also started with 30.

Akros Sterling:  12 should be my remaining hp i think.

VS (GM):  Ok.  You guys (remaining) can attack.  They're both down to single digits.

Akros Sterling:  [goes dire wolf-kangroo mode and tries to bite Darth's face off.]  In my rage, I'd like some sort of bonus, stealing the show?

VS (GM):  Ok, sure.

Akros Sterling:  (trying hard to avenge space's death.)

VS (GM):  Wow...

Akros Sterling:  *Continues to roll ridiculous numbers*

Space Wyndorf:  I'm totally inspiring.

Akros Sterling:  o3o

VS (GM):  And another 2d6.

Akros Sterling:  rolling 2d6

Space Wyndorf:  BRUH

Akros Sterling:  IKR - Don't kill my friends.

Piney:  Where was all this anger last round??

VS (GM):  Shit, that was actually too much damage to add up (lazy GM).

Akros Sterling:  XD no one died last round!

VS (GM):  Indeed.  Indeed.  True.

Piney:  I guess I'll try to finish off Renner.  Darth looks pretty well done

Akros Sterling:  39 total damage.  Bruh...just bit his head off.

VS (GM):  Ok, whatever blaster fire was left over finished off Renner and some guy back in the party who looked at you funny and demanded you buy him a drink.

Piney:  Rabid Kangaroo saves the day!

Space Wyndorf:  Awww Yisss!

VS (GM):  There's a chance that SL can be put back together if there's a space surgeon at the party.

Piney:  But would his love for space spliffs remain?

Space Wyndorf:  Just stick my head back on it will be fine.

VS (GM):  I'm sure it would.

Piney:  Indeed. It's only a flesh wound.

Space Wyndorf:  Don't forget my arm! I need that to shred my space guitar

Piney:  Right. Your arm. You're going to need to...

VS (GM):  Are you guys asking around for a space doctor or something?

Space Wyndorf:  Now i'm a voice in Piney's head

Piney:  Indeed

Akros Sterling:  (we must rebuild space pirate with a robot/cyborg body)

VS (GM):  Ok, you find a medical officer.

Akros Sterling:  (with [REDACTED]/drug dispencser
(and music machine built in

Space Wyndorf:  Even robotocop had lungs and a brain

VS (GM):  SL, do you want me to roll 2d6 or do you want to?

Space Wyndorf:  Hehe you can

VS (GM):  Your life depends on the results.

Space Wyndorf:  I roll 1's

Akros Sterling:  ^

Space Wyndorf:  All the time

VS (GM):   Ok, he's able to keep you alive - but you're going to need some spare parts.  Welcome to cyborg land, Space Lord.

*Sterling cries and howls.  Wipes tears with the back of his hand that holds a blaster.*

VS (GM):  You have a synthetic (artificial flesh) right arm...

Space Wyndorf:  I always wanted to be a cyborg

Akros Sterling:  "I dont like many humans but you are not so bad. Im glad that you are still alive.

Piney:  Right. now it'll till feel the same when you

Space Wyndorf:  I write a song called Skinflute by Synthflesh in the hospital

VS (GM):  And he was able to re-attach your head with a little bit of space salve.  Did you take a souvenir?  Besides near death?

Space Wyndorf:  I was having an out of body experience at the time.

VS (GM):  Did anyone else?

Piney:  Well of course we snatched that sword up.

VS (GM):  Ok, good.  Now, you have a laser sword.

Space Wyndorf:  Laserman wth laserblades!  I produce Piney's first spoken word album.

VS (GM):  Combined they had 600 credits on them.  You guys made it to 3rd level.  Hooray!  That's game.

Space Wyndorf:  I make sure Grabba sees my scars and new arm

Piney:  Some people call him the [REDACTED] Cowboy.  Some call him the pirate of ice. Some people call him headless.  Cause he got it fucking cut off

VS (GM):  Wow.  That could actually be a song.

"That's not even HIS blood."

Monday, September 19, 2016

Why Game?

"I just flew in from the Chaos Lands and BOY!  Are my arms tired."
 - Stormskull Hawk, upon reaching the Tower of Night.
The real question here is “Why not game”?  Although gaming has become more main stream in modern times it is, by far, not a new hobby.  Dating as far back as 3500 B.C. Ancient Egyptians were enjoying games of Senet, a game which would later become Chess.  Proof of this was depicted in a painting from the tomb of Merknera who lived from approximately 3300 to 2700 B.C.

In ancient times these game would most likely have been played exclusively by royalty.   In modern times games are more accessible to the everyday person.  In simpler terms, everyone can afford to buy a game.

So what are the drawbacks that keep us from enjoying our hobby?  The most common complaint seems to be time.  We have so much hustle and bustle in our daily lives sometimes we just can’t find the time to relax and enjoy a good game.  Ancient peoples would have had the same dilemma, of course.

Where do you find the time to game there are wars to be planned and fought?  When you need to hunt for the days kill to feed your family or even your village?  It seems logical that ancient people would have also had very little time for a relaxing game.  Games would have been nothing more than a way to pass time when you were idle.

In our modern times we have more conveniences that make our lives easier.  Sure we have jobs we need to do, families to care for, but we also have more idle time then people who existed before us had.  We tend to use our idle time as a way to relax and drift in to our “me” time.  Sure, we would love to pick up a game and play it, but this idle time is for us to relax because we are tired.  We thrust our passions aside in the name of having just a few moments to ourselves.

Eventually this becomes our routine and gaming gets pushed to the side because we just don’t have the time.  If this is our passion then why can we not find the time?  If we want to game then why does the universe seem to forbid it?  The answer is crystal clear.  The reason we cannot find the time to game is because we spend more time making excuses for why we cannot game then we do making the time to game.  We are all guilty of this at some point, but this is our passion.

This is an open letter to all gamers, no matter what your genre of gaming may be.  We spend all day doing the same mundane tasks over and over.  We have bosses to please, wives or husbands to please, children to please.  We are tired.  We want to rest.  We want “me” time.

Gaming is our passion, we are gamers and nothing is more relaxing than a good game to end the day.  Games bring people together.  Families enjoy playing together as do friends.  Even strangers can sit and play a good relaxing game together.

It is up to all of us to embrace our passion and make the time to enjoy our hobby.  At the end of the long and mundane day noble gamer, how will YOU spend your time?  Idle or enjoying your hobby?

Friday, September 16, 2016


Yesterday Hawk and I scored an opportunity to sit with the esteemed Venger Satanis of Kor'thalis Publishing at the helm of his Alpha Blue game on Roll20.  Hilarity ensued, and we had a blast.

Don't wait to hear what the malcontents and haters have to say, check it out for yourself.

Take Space Lord's hand and visit Venger's Old School Gaming Blog, reblogged below.  Also, check out Draconic Magazine and Kor'thalis Publishing's new Kickstarter campaign and show some support for the indie scene.

Venger's old school gaming blog: FORCE DOCK - Alpha Blue actual play report: Another week, another Alpha Blue game on Roll20. I both like and dislike (love and hate are too strong of words for the platform)